I haven't left the house in five days

Yep. You read correctly. FIVE days.
I have been in pajamas, on the computer and avoiding the world for five days.

Why?

I've always struggled with depression and anxiety but I have to admit that this is the first time it has really hit me this hard.
I lost my job.
My bills are piling up.
It's hard to put food in the house.
I don't have any real friends where I live.
I live in a place I hate.
and then... there's every other personal thing I have going on.

Yeah, I know that I'm not the only going through this but it sure feels like I am.

I spend all day filling out job applications and dreaming of a better me.

Be better. Be better. Be better. Be better. Be better. Be better. Be better. Be better. Be better.

Ugh.  I don't know how.

I can't even force myself out of the house to go to Starbucks.
Before, I loved getting dressed up and going somewhere. Taking my Coco for a walk or strolling down to Starbucks to grab a coffee and window shop.

Then again, there was a time, years ago, when I loved to wake up and go for a run.
I haven't been able to run for years.
It's this ridiculous anxiety that people are watching me and laughing. I can't seem to snap out of it.

Are things getting worse for me? Will I become one of those people too afraid to leave their own home?

I hope not.

I need to be fearless and confident... but that's easier said then done. Sometimes all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of my life.

-Julie